Making the right decision
by LitGG1982
Summary: Lit, they have to overcome so many obstacles including significant others, will they finally end up together or will they drive further apart, post season 4, future. REVIEW PLEASE, and they meet again! chapter3 up
1. Chapter 1

I don´t own the show.

The idea came to my mind when I was watching LWFTWF for what seemed to be for the millionth time. I know I should update my story " are we really over" but I just wanted to write this.

Summary: set in no particular season, but four years after season 4. When Rory turned him down, Jess was crushed, but they stayed in touch ever since, not being able to let go of the other .

Enjoy and tell me what you think.

I had been going out with him for three years before he finally popped the question. First I felt like this was the greatest thing that could have happened to me, but lately I feel like maybe, just maybe it was wrong that I had said yes with the biggest smile on my face. Lately I've been wondering that maybe he's chosen the next best thing. Lately I have the feeling that maybe, I'm just a replacement for someone else. Her.

It´s the way he would stare off in space when he should be looking at me that made me doubt my decision. It´s the way he would touch a certain book with the most vulnerable expression on his face that made me wonder why I haven't been introduced to his family yet although we have been engaged for three months now. It´s the way he would close his eyes whenever a fresh pot of coffee was brewed, that made me think about the fact that I didn´t know a damn thing about his past. It´s the way he would refuse to watch " almost famous" with me, although he knew it was my favourite movie, that made me feel insecure, inadequate.. Deep down I knew it wasn't his fault, I knew he tried to love me and sometimes when we would be lying in bed, legs intertwined, the smell of sex still surrounding us, I even thought he did. No, I knew he did, that's why I had said yes in the first place.

He proposed to me the day he got a call from his uncle, still unknown to me then. I replayed the phone call in my head as I closed my eyes frantically searching for something that supported me in my decision.

**Flashback**

The phone was ringing and finally Jess got up to pick it up.

"´lo?" I didn´t know who was on the other line. I only could hear Jess's answers.

"I'm good, thanks."

" so, is there any particular reason why you called me ? I mean, not that I don´t appreciate it, but ..? Apparently he got cut off.

" huh" I smiled. That was the Jess I knew.

" why are you telling me that ?" he turned his head around as if to check if I was listening.

" what the fuck? Come on Luke!" ah, the famous uncle Luke from Stars Hollow.

" she told you that?" that got my interest.

" so, she could have called me herself, Luke. Why didn´t she?" in the pit of my stomach I knew who they were talking about.

"huh, really ?" he said shaking his head unbelievingly.

" okay, we'll be there." whoa, what ? Who, where ?

" Patricia, my girlfriend." Luke didn´t even know I existed. Damn, that hurt.

" well, yeah, we are." damn Luke to speak so quietly.

" ok, I'll tell her. Bye." he turned around once again and said:

" Luke says hi"

" what did he want?" I asked trying to hide my curiosity.

", well, Lorealai´s daughter is getting married and she wants us to be there."

" well, and I had the feeling Luke didn´t even know about me. So how could she invite us both?"

Jess avoided my eyes.

" he didn´t but I told him about you, and since you're my girlfriend you're invited as well."

" isn't it common for people who get married to send out invitations?" I asked, not buying any of this.

" well, yeah, but she kinda lost my address." aha.

"ok," I let it go

" so when is the wedding ?" he finally looked at me, his face not showing any emotions.

" in two weeks."

Suddenly an expression of total understanding was spread on his face.

" huh, I gotta go. You'll be here when I'll come back?"

" of course" I would always be there.

**Flashback end **.

That night he came home, bearing the most amazing gift, or so I thought

The next two weeks flew by and before I knew it, we were heading to Stars Hollow for the wedding.

The ceremony was beautiful and I couldn't help thinking that I wanted a Stars Hollow wedding as well.

When I was introduced to the bride I could see signs of hurt in her eyes and maybe regret ?

We didn´t stay long in Stars Hollow but in the end I knew everything about Rory and Jess. Miss Patty apparently thought it was her obligation to fill me in. or maybe it was just the wine she had been drinking all night.

I was still deep in my thoughts when I heard the door of the apartment open.

Jess came over to me where I was sitting and kissed my forehead softly. He plopped down next to me on the couch, placing my legs in his lap.

" god, my boss is a fucking son of a bitch." he sighed and closed his eyes tightly, rubbing his temples.

I took a closer look at him. He looked exhausted, he had been working his butt off lately. His hair was slightly longer than when we first met, curling above his ears.

" why did you propose, Jess?" I didn´t know why I chose this minute to bring it up.

He looked at me questionably , his eyebrows raised, eyes wide open now.

"huh? Sorry, what?"

" I asked why you had proposed." long silence.

" because I wanna be with you, Tricia." I silently nodded.

" I can´t marry you if you still think of someone else, Jess." he didn´t even try to deny it.

"I'm sorry, Tricia." I'm sorry ? GOD! I got up, took off the ring and handed it to him.

" yeah. I know, me too."

When I left the apartment that night I felt as if I had lost everything, but I knew I finally made the right decision. I didn´t deserve being a replacement.

I stayed at a friend's place for the next couple of days and when I read the newspaper one morning, I couldn't help but feel relieved.

The article that got my interest had the title:

**Logan Huntzberger´s marriage annulled.**

I indeed made the right decision!

So? What do you think? Bad ? Good? Review please.


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to update this story, although it was supposed to be a one shot, I think it has to do with the fact that you guys reviewed, thanks so much and yeah maybe another factor was that I got tired of studying, ah, I have finals coming up and the words in my neurology book start to bug me, well anyhow, here it is, the next chapter in Jess's POV.**

Tricia had left three days ago and somehow I couldn't suppress the relieved feeling spreading through my body. I felt like I could breath again without the guilt taking away my breath. I felt guilty for various things.

I was sitting at my kitchen table, not feeling hungry, but sipping my orange juice once in a while and scanning the newspaper.

I couldn't get Tricia's hurt face out of my mind, and the fact that I was the one who caused it, didn´t help either. Every time she had looked at me with her inhumanly green eyes, smiling, ready to take over the world, I felt as if someone was stabbing me with a knife, slowly, delicately, turning the weapon around once again inside my stomach, making it impossible to let me fall in love with her. I had told her I loved her, it had come out easily and I had taken that as a good sign, a sign that showed me that I had moved on; in retrospect, I realised, I was really good at pushing away all thoughts that might have destroyed this relationship. To be more clear, I actually had pushed every thought about _her _out of my mind, I wanted to erase every memory that I shared with _her_, every moment we had spent together, happy, or apart, unhappy. First I had started to get wasted whenever I had had the opportunity, I had been drinking to forget, what a joke, the only aspect I hat gotten out of getting wasted every fucking night had been a nice, full grown hang -over the next morning that sometimes lasted to the evening. I had laid in my bed for hours asking myself all over again what had gone wrong in my life. I had blamed everyone but me. My father who had abandoned me and my mother the minute I was born or then I would blame my mother for being such a failure, I even in my post drunken state had blamed Luke for not trying hard enough, for not giving me another chance when I had so desperately needed one.

At some point I even thought that I had been in love with Tricia, when I would notice little somethings about her, like the way she would throw her blonde locks behind her shoulders with a very fast move that came from her neck, or the way she would always bite her nails when she was nervous, or the way she would wrinkle her nose whenever I was drinking a cup of coffee. She hated coffee. And now that I think about it maybe I had chosen her for the wrong reasons. Blonde instead of brown, green instead of blue, tough instead of naïve, and she was definitely not innocent. She didn´t read a lot unless you consider the cosmopolitan reading. No, she wasn't dumb or uninterested or ignorant to her surroundings she just had a slight tighter grasp of reality. She had experienced life and I think that was of the main reason why I had been attracted to her in the first place. I obviously was feeling guilty that I hurt her so much, because I knew that she had really loved me, and I had hid myself from her.

Jimmy had thrown me out of the apartment when I had come " home" drunk four nights in a row, he had told me that he didn´t need this shit right now. So, that was what I had been for him all the years? "This shit"?

My life went even more downhill from there. I returned to New York and continued there where I had stopped in Venice. I had shared an apartment with four other guys, one smellier that the other, but I had fit in perfectly, since I was myself one of the same kind. During my self-destroying path I had made two humongous mistakes, mistakes I still couldn't grasp. My stomach hurt every time I thought of these moments, these moments that had made my world stop spinning for a moment.

I had told _her_ I loved her….and then ran away.

I had asked _her_ to run away with me….and then ran away, not after having been turned down.

The minute I heard her _no_, I decided to get my life back on track; I had to stop throwing my life away, pining and drinking. _She _wouldn´t be the end of me, I had tried to get her back and obviously she hadn't wanted me back. I had told myself that it was okay with me, I didn´t need her…at….all.

Successfully I had started to get my life back on track, I had applied to a few jobs at some bookstores around town and finally moved out of the sorry apartment, not once looking back. I had been moving on, staying in contact with Luke over the phone, keeping the other updated on what was going on in life.

It had been one day in October, about four months after my last encounter with _her _and I had been sitting on the couch, slowly drifting off to sleep after a long day at work, when the telephone started ringing. I had contemplated about letting it ring, but something had forced me to get up and pick up the phone. I was still wondering now if I should have let it rung, if it had been anything, it would have made things easier.

**Flashback**

" Hello?" I said, feeling slightly uneasy.

No answer.

" Hello? " I repeated this time more annoyed.

I could hear someone breathe irregularly on the other side and I was about to push the end button, when I heard it.

" Jess?" a small voice, whispering.

My head started instantly to hurt, a throbbing ache, slowly spreading around, finally reaching my stomach and I had the sudden urge to throw up. My vision was blurring and I absently thought that maybe I was imagining all this and in reality I was suffering from a brain tumour. This sorts of things could happen, I read about it in the paper. At the same time the voice brought all these emotions back to the surface, those I had been trying to push to the back of my mind. Maybe they had caused the tumour? Suddenly I could feel her hands on my body, leaving burning marks, I could hear her chuckle at one of my jokes, I could smell her, taste her.

" Rory" I breathed out. More a statement than a question. There were all sorts of things I wanted to tell her on the tip of my tongue, but none of them left my mouth. I wanted to scream at her, yell at her, I wanted to hurt her, I wanted to slam down the phone, I wanted to tell her that I had moved on, that I didn´t need her anymore in my life, on the other hand I wanted her to know that I had turned my life upside down, and most of all I wanted to her to know that I still loved her. My mouth stayed shut I pressed my lips firmly against each other, forcing them to shut her out once again. After all it was her who had called.

" I got the number from Luke, I hope this is okay?" I drew in a deep breath, determined no to show her how vulnerable I had become.

" Would be too late, if it wasn't, huh?"

" Jess, I don´t want things to be that way." I decided to play dumb.

" What way?" now it was her time to sigh.

Silence.

" How are you?" her question took me by surprise, segue wasn't her thing, has never been.

Fucking great, I wanted to scream, but instead I said.

" Fine." pause….

" You?" I added.

"Well, I have been better, really." at the sound of her defeated, voice, something melted inside of me.

" Why did you call?" I asked her softly, but not giving too much away.

She let out a small, nervous chuckle. God, how much did I miss her laugh?

" I don´t know really, I think I just I don´t know, I wanted to make sure that…" I interrupted her; the monster inside my chest struggled to get out.

" To make sure that I was still pining over you? Or that I stopped pining? News flash Rory, the world doesn't resolve around you." I stopped, out of breath, I should really stop smoking.

"No, what I meant was…." she trailed off, taking a deep breath.

" Who are you anyhow that you are yelling at me, huh? I never did anything wrong." she continued, her voice gaining on energy again. She never did anything wrong, perfect Rory she was.

" So, that's why you called, so you could blame me and them move on? " I was blaming me too.

" Jess, God you are such an ass, sometimes." I tried to suppress the urge to smirk.

" Just sometimes?" I asked her, not sarcastically, but honestly. That broke the ice. She started giggling, still nervous, but giggling nonetheless.

" You had your moments." a simple reply.

Silence once again, but it wasn't this nerve breaking tension lying over us.

" So, I guess, I have to go, Jess." I was stunned.

"O ok." then the line went dead.

**Flashback end**

I had never found out why she had called, but in the back of my mind I had known that it really didn´t matter. She had called.

I finally turned back to reading the newspaper; I scanned the international news section, taking in the information on what was going on in the world. As I reached the last page, my breath got stuck in my throat, I couldn't seem to be breathing anymore and my kitchen started to spin around me. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, the headline already burned in my brain.

**Logan Huntzberger´s marriage annulled **

So what do you think? Good bad? I have an idea in mind where this story should go; I want to include many flashbacks, on how rory and jess finally got on speaking terms again. The next update might take some time, but I have finals coming up… REVIEW PLEASE!


	3. Chapter 3

**I know I should be updating my other story, but I have a major writer's block, anyhow, thanks for your reviews, you guys rock, seriously! I apologize for the delay, but I was so damn busy, I don't even know when to sleep.**

**Jess's POV:**

I had stayed in touch with Luke since we had had our heart to heart at my mother's wedding and I had to admit that it felt nice to have someone to talk to, someone who cared. We talked at least once a week over the phone and when he had told me that he was proud of me, he seemed sincere, almost fatherly which made me feel proud in return. Proud of whom? I didn't know, maybe deep down inside of me, pushing the insecurity away, I was proud of myself.

It had been three weeks since that mysterious phone call from Rory, and I was still replaying the conversation all over again in my head before drifting off to sleep every night. What did she want? She sounded exhausted, worn out, maybe sad. I wanted to ask Luke, but I wouldn't. I carefully avoided the subject Rory whenever I spoke to Luke, on the one hand I didn't want him to think that I was still pining for her, and on the other hand I didn't want him to get into trouble with Lorelai. Their relationship was still fragile and new, exciting and I didn't want to ruin that for him. I clearly remembered one of my last encounters with her; she had been telling me off, yelling at me for breaking her daughter. Well, she hadn't said that per se, but she had been hinting. She definitely wasn't my number one fan! Anyhow, I wasn't hers either.

Luke had invited me to Stars Hollow yesterday and while I was wandering around my small apartment, throwing a few but essential things in my duffel bag I couldn't help but wonder what the hell I had gotten myself into when I had agreed.

The bell above the diner announced my arrival and I shook my head at the scene in front of me. Luke, clad in his favourite flannel shirt was arguing with Taylor, while serving the customers at he same time. He openly rolled his eyes at the things Taylor was throwing at him. Nothing new there. I made my way over to the counter and took a seat in front of Luke.

"Coffee, please?" Luke didn't look up, apparently not recognizing my voice.

"I'm sorry, have you or have you not seen the people that came here earlier than you and whose orders I have yet to take?" Luke grumbled and I had to smirk, same old, same old.

"Nice to see you too, Uncle Luke!" I stated calmly, giving my amusement away freely. Luke's head shot up from behind the counter, banging said head on the counter during the process. He rubbed the spot on his forehead and glared at me.

"Smartass." He shot and came around the counter to pull me in an awkward hug. He let go off me not a millisecond after and stroke his chin as if he needed something to occupy his hands with.

"You came." Was all he said while taking his place behind the counter once again.

I shrugged my shoulders and stated:

"I said I would." Luke glanced at me and muttered under his breath.

"Seems that I have to start to take you up on your word, huh?" I again shrugged and looked him straight in the eye.

"Miracles do happen from time to time, if you just believe in them hard enough." Understanding dawned on Luke while he nodded his head.

"I guess they do." End of the discussion, Luke silently accepted the fact that I was changing, personally and concerning my lifestyle.

"So, you want anything to eat? "He asked me and but I couldn't answer him because the bell announced the arrival of yet another customer that caught his attention. His eyes widened and he started fiddling with his fingers. He adjusted his cap.

"Hey, you know what? Why don't you go upstairs, freshen up or something, I do have food in the fridge upstairs, no need to eat down here, with you know … people around." He was ranting, Luke never ranted. I looked around in the now empty diner and smirked.

"What people? Didn't take your pills this morning?" I heard the door close and a deep intake of breath.

"Now look who's back. Jess!" I recognized the voice that spat those words out immediately. Dean. I was prepared for everything or so I thought, as I turned around slowly, anticipating the verbal sparks that were starting to form in my head. But I wasn't prepared for a hand intertwined with his and I definitely wasn't prepared for the hand being Rory Gilmore's. In no time I had regained my composure, building the wall around me yet again.

"Bagboy, long time no see." He smirked as he pulled Rory closer, giving her a peck on the lips, which she – to my delight- didn't seem to notice.

"Rory." I nodded my head in her direction and turned around again, facing the wall behind the counter, silently counting the cups standing on the board. Luke finally broke the silence.

"Rory, that's a surprise, your Mom said you weren't gonna come home this weekend."

"Must have slipped her mind, then." Rory stated quietly. Luke looked around, motioning them to sit down anywhere.

"So, Rory? Coffee?" I silently listened to their conversation as I started to recount the cups.

"Hmm, actually, I should probably tell Mom I'm home. I mean, you know how she is." With that she turned on her heels and fled from the diner, leaving a stunned Dean behind. I stood up and disappeared behind the curtain, hurrying upstairs. It wasn't until I closed the door behind me, that I allowed myself to breath again. I was definitely not a fan of unpredictability. But now, had it been so unpredictable that I was gonna run into her? I mean, she practically still lived here. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and a second after Luke came bursting through the door, pacing in front of me.

"I should have told you, I mean, I didn't know she was gonna be here, but you know, I should have told you about … about the Dean thing." Ah, there was a thing. I so didn't need to know this.

"Isn't he like married? I mean, that had been my last update." Luke shrugged.

"Seems like he's getting a divorce or so, I don't really know, really. I'm not his biggest fan."

I nodded my head.

"Same here." And that's how I found out that Rory and Dean had reconciled.

Later that night I was wandering around Stars Hollow, thinking about the latest events when I bumped into someone.

"Watch where you're going." I spat out when I realized that it was Rory. Her of all people.

"What are you doing here, Jess?" The new Rory got straight to the point.

"Visiting family." I answered simply. She shook her head.

"As if you care." I do care.

"Well, whatever!" I was about to turn around when I heard her whisper.

"Come to the bridge?" I wanted to laugh out loud at how ridiculous this all seemed to be, but I just nodded and started moving again.

When we arrived at our destination we sat down silently, making sure there was enough space between us. Finally I started.

"So, you and Dean, huh?" she shrugged her shoulders.

"Yep, me and Dean." Funny! I decided to let my mind speak.

"Funny." Rory turned around and stared at me, even though it was dark I could see her eyes, staring disbelievingly at me.

"You're not the one to be angry about it, you're not the one who gets to judge." I chuckled slightly, pissing her off only more.

"I had no intention to do so." She took a deep breath.

"You know what, go ahead, judge, see if I care, Jess. Your opinion means nothing to me…..anymore." she added and I silently accepted it.

"Why Dean?" apparently my question took her by surprise since she didn't answer for a long time.

"Because I love him." It was just as simple as that. When I didn't show any signs that I was gonna reply to that, she continued.

"I do!" she exclaimed and I was sure she was trying to convince herself.

"Okay, I get it, you love him." Silence settled around us and I sensed the anger boiling inside of her.

"Why do you do that?" what?

"Do what?"

"Pop up like that, whenever I think I have everything under control you appear and make me doubt everything." Inside of me, my demons started a party. I make her doubt…. everything.

"Why did you call then?" I asked her, provoking her.

"I don't know." Her voice was barely above a whisper now. I moved closer to her, it wasn't that I wanted to but my body moved on its own. She sat up straight.

"Don't Jess, please, don't." I could hear the tears in her voice and felt bad for it.

She choked.

"I hate you for doing this." She got up and I hurried to stand up as well, bending my knees slightly so that I was facing her directly.

Tears were running down her cheeks, leaving dark mascara strains on her face.

She dropped her head and sobbed and suddenly her little fists started to hit my chest.

"I hate you for doing this, I hate you." She repeated it all over again. I grabbed her wrists tightly, pulling her close to my body. She let her head drop against my chest, exhausted from the emotional stress, she sobbed into my shirt, soaking it, but I didn't care. All I cared about was her body against mine, her warmth spreading through my body, making my vision blur.

I wanted to tell her that everything's gonna be alright, that she's gonna be alright, but I couldn't, I was hurting as well. She was telling me all over again that she hated me, but when I wanted to open my mouth nothing came out and I closed it again. Mission impossible.

Suddenly I felt her hands roaming my body, tangling in my hair; I felt her hot breath on my neck, mixed with the salty liquid that came from her eyes. Before I knew it we were kissing hungrily, making up for the missing months of not touching, not being together. The kiss heated up, tongues duelling, fighting desperately to win this battle. It was a battle which no one would win; nothing good would come out of this.

"I hate you." She kissed me harder, and I somehow felt like I was prostituting myself. She pulled me closer to her body, making it impossible to break apart.

"I" her hands slipped under my shirt.

"Love" she pinched my nipple.

"Dean." She bit my lip. I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed her back roughly, trying to steady my breath.

"If you love Dean, what are you kissing me for then?" She took a step back, as if she wanted to regain control over her body.

"I don't know!" she whispered and I turned around.

"Figure it out then." I left her standing on the bridge, crying desperately but I forced myself to keep moving in the opposite direction. Away from her. Away from feeling the pain, away from the affect she had on me.

**So? What do you think? Good, bad? I hope, you like it, please just drop a note, telling me whatever, tell me if I suck, and tell me if I should continue this story. It's sad when no one reviews; it makes me feel insecure actually. Anyhow, thanks for reading! REVIEW!**


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